Love, Simon: the mainstream queer romance we've all been waiting for

Earlier this month I was lucky enough to catch an early screening of the movie "Love, Simon" which is based on the amazing young adult novel by Becky Albertalli "Simon vs the Homo Sapiens Agenda" and, let me tell you, this is the movie teen Crystal didn’t know she needed. Without giving away too many plot details "Love, Simon" is the story of a young man coming to terms with his homosexuality while balancing the struggles of his final year of high school, with how to come out to his friends and family without losing his identity.

I officially came out just over two years ago and last year I had my first actual relationship with a girl, so I feel like I’m still new to this whole queer thing; my one area of expertise, however, is teen romantic comedies, and trust me, Love, Simon is up there with the best of them. I grew up on a healthy diet of cheesy, amazingly delicious teen romances. I cheered on Drew Barrymore as she waited for Mr. Coulson before the big game, I shipped Zack Morris and Kelly Kapowski and I saw every Julia Stiles, Mandy Moore and Kirsten Dunst movie. While I loved these romances and dreamed of my own happily ever after, the one thing all these TV shows and movies had in common was that they only depicted heterosexual love.

I grew up in the nineties when homosexuality was slowly becoming more visible and openly discussed in movies and on television. This was a big step, but queer characters were often limited to supporting roles whose storylines existed only in relation to the main cast. Most television shows and movies walked a fine line between discussing their gays while not showing them. Queer characters were often the single sidekicks who complained about their relationship hardships, but we seldom saw romantic interactions between same sex partners. Friends, for example, featured a same-sex marriage between Ross’ ex-wife Carol and her partner Susan, yet the couple was not allowed to kiss during the wedding ceremony. Dawson’s Creek took progression even further when Jack kissed another man in the season 3 finale. I remember feeling the impact of that moment, knowing that I was witnessing history, that this was the first television show geared towards teenagers and aired during prime time to show a man passionately and unapologetically kissing another man. That moment, and every other moment involving Jack, was lessened by Pacey’s continual mocking of his brother, Doug, for being gay. Being gay was still a punchline.

In recent years movies and television have really embraced queer storylines, creating three dimensional characters who are larger than their sexual identity. Television has done a better job of bringing these storylines to mainstream audiences with shows like Pretty Little Liars which was geared towards young women and featured actress Shay Mitchell who played lesbian Emily Fields. That’s not to say that there haven’t been amazing queer romances in film, they just tend to be independent, low-budget movies with limited releases and small box office returns. Moonlight, which won the Oscar for Best Picture last year, was phenomenal and Call Me by Your Name has literally changed the way I look at life experiences, but both were geared towards a very specific audience. The amazing thing with "Love, Simon" is that it is mainstream to its very core; this a movie for everyone, whether you identify as LGBTQ+ or just like romance movies.

This movie is diverse in a way that feels natural. It deals with real life problems teens encounter and, as Simon narrates in the trailer, it centres on the idea that everyone deserves a great love story. There is cheesy dialogue, overly sympathetic parents, charming humour and over the top romantic gestures that never happen in real life scored to pop ballads that leave you discussing which songs will be featured on the soundtrack of your life. The character of Simon and his friends Leah, Abby and Nick feel relatable, they could be any teenager struggling their way through high school. They are seldom without their cellphones, they post on social media, watch reality television, struggle with identity and acceptance and unrequited love, they’re just normal teenagers. This normalcy, this everyday-ness is what makes "Love, Simon" so special.

Now I won’t pretend this is a perfect movie, there are changes from the novel used to enhance the dramatic tension between the characters and in the third act I feel as though Simon was abandoned by his friends during a particularly difficult time. I am not necessarily angry at their abandonment of Simon but more so that the movie doesn’t seem to address it, there are no apologies or explanations, the characters simply move on to the next challenge. But all things considered "Love, Simon" is the perfect movie for anyone who loves heartfelt, teenage romances. It’s the movie we’ve seen countless times that always makes us smile, that manages to make us forget our own problems, that has us unabashedly rooting for love, only this time the universal love story we’ve all gotten behind features two men and that is magical. I defy anyone, regardless of your feelings, to watch this movie and not root for Simon, because really what it all boils down to is that love, is love.

Love, Crystal 

Here's my top 40, whats yours????

Anyone who knows me knows that I LOVE checklists; I've had a few Bucket Lists since seeing the movie in 2007. There's something so cathartic about crossing items of a list, it makes you feel goal oriented and accomplished at the same time. It is because of my love of checklist that I found myself listing my mid-range goals to a friend earlier today; nothing too extreme, just owning a house with a real bedroom, something to call my own. I realized that I have a lot of big, and small, dreams but I've never actually written them down, so that's what I am doing now. Below is a list of 40 experiences, goals, trips and other things I want to do before I turn 40.

The ONLY rule: While I do want to get married, settle down, have a discussion about whether kids are in my future, I can only control these things halfway. Accomplishing these goals means I have to meet someone first and I can't control when, or whether, that will happen. Instead this list is comprised of things that are entirely within my control. Ten years from now, when I look back, I'll only have myself to blame if something isn't done.

Realistically speaking I will probably lose interest in at least a couple of these things in the next ten years so I may end up updating this list from time to time. What's important is that on my 40th birthday I will be able to hold whatever version of this list I have at that time and know that in the previous ten years, I had 40 great moments.

I've already crossed off the first item, so that leaves me just under nine and a half years to accomplish the remaining 39. It's going to be an exciting decade!!

My own personal TOP 40 Hits:

1. Come out
2. Own property/have a bedroom
3. Go cage diving in Guadalupe
4. Have my " Breakfast at Tiffany's" moment in New York City
5. Have a Harry Potter marathon weekend
6. Get the heart and "Noseworthy" tattoos
7. Buy a car
8. Buy a Fossil watch
9. Buy a real couch
10. Write a novel (it doesn't need to be published)
11. Run a marathon
12. Learn to skate
13. Learn to play ice hockey
14. Go to Philadelphia and run up the "Rocky stairs" with the music, obviously
15. Lose 40 pounds
16. Go to an Ed Sheeran concert
17. Go see an IIHF World Juniors tournament abroad
18. Go on a portage trip in Algonquin park
19. Do a creative writing course
20. Host a holiday family dinner in my new house
21. Pay down my consumer debt
22. Go to The Wizarding World of Harry Potter in Florida
23. Go to ComicCon
24. Go to VidCon
25. Read all of the A Song of Ice and Fire books (Game of Thrones)
26. Take a painting class
27. Go to Toronto Pride
28. Go watch x-Games Aspen (though how cool would it be to participate!)
29. See a playoff game in Pittsburgh
30. Visit San Francisco
31. Start doing Yoga weekly
32. See a play on Broadway in New York City
33. Go to a taping of Last Week Tonight in New York
34. Drink Champagne in Paris
35. See orcas in the wild
36. Go on an African safari
37. Go see a football game at Michigan Stadium (The "Big House")
38. Join a rec sports team, and don't quit before the end of the season
39. Sing Karaoke (without lip syncing)
40. Love and accept myself for who I am

People say I'm a marshmallow

I’ve debated posting this article for a long time mostly because I am afraid of the judgement I may receive but also because I don’t know whether I want something this personal out there about me. I keep telling myself that I have accepted myself, but I am not sure how true that is; I’m worried that I am an embarrassment to friends and family, that I am letting them down, that their hopes and dreams for me have been crushed, and crushed by something I can’t change. I think mostly I am afraid of the people who will think “I don’t care but I don’t want to hear about it, why can’t it be something you do behind closed doors, why do I need to know about it or read about it”; stuff that people never said back when I was pretending I wanted to fall in love with a guy and get married and have kids. It was hard enough telling people I didn’t know if I was ever going to have kids, I got a lot of grief from friends who hadn’t taken the time to get to know me and were telling me that I just hadn’t met the right guy yet and when I did I would want kids, that I just didn’t know what I was talking about. So I am freaking out right now, I have been freaking out for a long time, but maybe it’s time to come clean, this is who I really am…

As many people who follow me on Facebook probably noticed, a few weeks ago I posted a couple pictures that clearly indicate that I am attracted to women. I am sure most people were surprised; I know the ones I told beforehand all were, hell even I was surprised when I finally looked in the mirror about six months ago and said it out loud for the first time. This post is my way of answering some of the questions I’ve been asked, but also a way for me to sort through these feelings myself. I have been dealing with them head on for about a year now, but I am still not quite sure what it all means.

So… I like girls. What does that mean? Besides those three little words, I am not entirely sure myself. I mean I’ve only ever had relationships with guys, and, up until a few months ago, I only ever talked about crushes on guys. But I’ve come to realize that for as long as I can remember I’ve also had feelings for girls. It started when I was younger, I can remember thinking that actresses in movies were really pretty and I wondered what it would be like to kiss them; as I got older, I realized that some of my most fulfilling relationships have been with girl friends, and again, in some cases, I wondered what it would be like to kiss them. For the most part I rationalized these feelings. I told myself that I only thought about being with girls because I had either never been with a guy or because I had been single for so long that I just forgot what it was like to be with a guy. Sometimes I even told myself that all girls must feel this way; that, just because I was occasionally attracted to my friends, didn’t mean I was gay or bisexual, I just hadn’t found the “right guy” yet.

This actually kind of leads me to one of the questions I was asked a few times when I told friends, namely that I always said I would never date a girl. You know what, they’re right, I did say I would never be with a girl, a lot, I repeated it out loud to friends, but more often, I told myself, over and over again in my head. In reality, it wasn’t that I didn’t want to date girls; it was that I couldn’t stop thinking about how much I wanted to be with them and I think I figured if I denied it enough, maybe I could make the feelings go away. Every time I said out loud to a friend that I didn’t want to be with girls, or that I didn’t understand the attractions girls had to each other, I had probably just spent the previous 20 minutes picturing myself with a girl.

The second common question is that I’ve only ever had relationships with guys. If I’m completely honest, I don’t think any of my relationships with guys were ever truly fulfilling, mentally or physically. I’ve always felt like I was there to make them happy, I always tried to satisfy their needs and never really thought about what I needed. I pictured myself as their girlfriend not my own person, I never made demands, I never stood up for myself, never tried to dig too deep. I was afraid to really look at the relationship, I had someone and I never had to think too far beyond that.

My most recent long term relationship started out great, I was attracted to him, we seemed to get along great and I was genuinely happy, for the first year or so at least. Gradually I started to notice how unhappy I was in almost all aspects of our relationships and it scared the crap out of me, he was the first guy I had really had a connection with that wasn’t puppy love, he challenged me and seemed to understand me, but I couldn’t deny that something was missing. As these feelings grew, I started to get paranoid about losing him; our relationship stopped being about two people connecting and started to be me hanging on to him while he tried to escape and dig himself out of the hole I was trying to dig. I didn’t want to admit I wasn’t happy, I didn’t want to admit I was thinking about some of my girl friends because if I couldn’t make it work with him, could I ever make it work with a guy. I was devastated when it ended, I didn’t want to deal with anything I had been feeling, so gradually I numbed myself, got used to living alone and started to think maybe I don’t need anyone. For the last 4-5 years I genuinely started to think maybe life would be easier alone than admitting that I wanted to be with a girl. I started to look at my life differently, kids were off the table, but I would have adventures and that would make me happy, only that too didn’t last, and, here we are today.

I wish I had admitted all this to myself a long time ago, I wouldn’t have wasted so many years, but the important thing is that I am admitting it now. I have always believed in equal rights for everyone, I have always fought hard against any kind of bigotry, and yet it took me years to accept myself. Life sure can be interesting sometimes. I have a friend who always preaches that perfection isn’t what’s important, progress is what matters and that’s what I am trying to do now. I am by no means perfect, but I am no longer ignoring this part of me that exists, I am exploring my feelings openly, I am trying new things, and I’ve even recently had a crush on a girl who actually likes girls, so if that’s not progress I don’t know what is. I can’t predict the future, I wish I could, but I do know that right now when I think 5, 10 even 15 years out, I picture myself with a girl, and for now that’s enough.

The last thing I need to address is religion. I have had family members express concern over my soul, and, while it was not unexpected and it comes from a place of love, I can’t deny that it hurts to hear. So for family members and friends who are concerned about my soul or my place in your heaven, you don’t need to worry about me. I am working towards becoming my most authentic self and for the first time I’m not lying to myself. Yes this is scary to admit, yes it is even sometimes a little embarrassing, which is why I didn’t talk about it with everyone and why some of you are reading about it here instead of hearing it directly from me, but I am certain that it’s not wrong. If God is real, He made me this way and I’d like to be believe that He is happy I am finally exploring the complex emotions that He has given me. This is who I am in my very core, and if I can love me, and my friends and family can love me, then I would like to think your God can love me too.